“The Vagina is a Birth Canal. The Vulva is a Gold Mine”

“The Vagina is a Birth Canal. The Vulva is a Gold Mine”

27 Things you don’t know about Women: Celebrities Reveal

Taken from Esquire.com

Esquire magazine asked female celebrities to write down what men don’t know about women. Here are the best quotes, in my opinion:

 

Attire

“Never wear skinny jeans. Looking like a fourteen-year-old girl with a summer squash down her pants is not sexy.” Kathryn Hahn

“The only acceptable men’s wrist accessory is one that tells time.” Emily Deschanel

“An open shirt isn’t sexy. Richie Sambora can’t pull it off. Neither can you. One or two buttons undone at the top of your shirt max.” Molly Shannon

“Island wear” is a cue to us that you’re bad in bed. Molly Shannon

 

Looks

“When you have a perfect body, we wonder how much time you spend on yourself.” Emily Deschanel

“We pay closer attention to your hands than you think. It’s bad enough if you don’t have manly hands, but if your nails are longer than ours, forget it.” Courtney cox

 

Chivalry

“Opening doors for us, helping us with our jackets and chairs — we love all that. It’s a very sexy public form of foreplay. Call it fore-foreplay. Ignore this and you will have a lot more work to do if you get invited in for coffee. Indulge us and the car ride home could blow your mind.” Rachel shelly

 

Text

When a guy sends us a text, we analyze everything, down to the punctuation. “Did he really use an umlaut? He must be smart!” Emily Deschanel

 

Phone call

“Call us back right away. That ‘three day’ crap does not apply. We’re getting older and we don’t have time to screw around. Wait too long and we’ll lose interest. Trust me on this one.” Christina Applegate

 

Language

“If you think we like the word panties, you’ve been watching too much porn.” Emily Deschanel

“The word yummy never turns us on — especially when it’s used to describe anything other than food.” Connie Britton

“No” does not mean “Yes, eventually,” and if we say “Maybe,” we really mean “No.” Minnie Driver

“I don’t know” means just what it sounds like: “I don’t. No.” Minnie Driver

 

Behavior

“Don’t wink. Never wink.” Emily Deschanel

 

Dance

“If teenage boys knew that no matter what they look like, knowing how to dance will get them laid at every wedding they attend in their twenties, cotillions would be wait-list only.” Andrea Savage

 

Sex

“The vagina is a birth canal. The vulva is a gold mine.” Kim Cattrall

“The women of the world want you to know that the clitoris is about an inch from where you think it is.” Kim Cattrall

“We know men think breasts are like Barstow: just a short stop on the way to Vegas. But sometimes lingering a little longer at the places along the way can make for a more pleasant trip.” Melora Hardin

“Breasts are not a speed bump to the Promised Land.” Courtney cox

“Don’t bother with the G-spot until you’ve mastered the A, B, C, D, E, and F-spots.” Molly Shannon

“Kissing is something that you need to stay engaged in, even if all the blood is rushing out of your head and into other parts of your body.” Courtney cox

 

Dance and Sex

“We can tell how good you’ll be in bed by how good you are on the dance floor. This isn’t an invitation to grind your boners into our asses — we’re looking more for rhythm, ingenuity, and joie de vivre.” Leslie Mann

 

Food

“We want dessert. We want you to order dessert. What we don’t want is for you to ask us if we want dessert.” Connie Britton

 

Funny VS Interesting

“A funny guy will win over an interesting guy, provided the funny guy is not a clown. However, in time, the funny guy will become irritating and the interesting guy will become more attractive. Play it safe: Be a little of both.” Carmen Electra

 

In the Closet

Things we do not want to find in your medicine cabinet: self-tanning lotion, your ex-girlfriend’s tampons, live ammunition.” Emily Deschanel

 

Compliments

“We can never hear enough about how pretty we look: “You are so beautiful” can be even more powerful than “I love you.” And remember this: Saying either takes less than two seconds out of your day.” Carmen Electra

“You can never give us too many sincere compliments. To be honest, you can never give too many exaggerated ones, either.” Kyra Sedgwick

What was your favorite quote? Did you learn anything new?

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